All We Have Left

All We Have Left
By Alex DeMatteis

Am I lost?

The question echoed in the woman’s mind as she stared out over the infinite ocean. The bottom of the sun touched the horizon but refused to go past it. Its narrow reflection reached toward her over the water, a bridge of light leading back to the sun. 

No… I know this place.

Her eyes followed the reflection until they fell upon the precipice of the cliff she stood on, and then kept going until they found her bare feet. The grass was vibrant next to her ghostly white skin. Her pale blue dress swayed lightly in a breeze she didn’t feel or even notice.

She raised her hands level with her waist and slowly turned them over. Most of her fingernails were cracked and chipped, and the only defining features were small patches of freckles around her thumbs that had steadily grown darker in her twenty-nine years. Her eyes snaked up her arms and onto her wavy, auburn hair. It flowed freely past her shoulders and over her chest, ending just above her hips. 

Why don’t I remember who I am? 

She felt her chest tighten as she ran her fingers through the length of her hair. Her hand shot instinctively to her neck, but whatever it had intended on finding was not there. Her breaths became shorter, quicker, with every gasp of air. She tried to moan, scream — anything that someone out there might hear — but no sound came from her mouth. She wrapped her arms around herself and fell to her knees. 

The world around her was quiet, save for the sound of waves crashing rhythmically against the cliffside far below her. She shut her eyes and allowed the cadence of the water to lull her mind into silence. The tension seeped out of her body as her breathing slowed. Her eyes snapped open as a distant memory surfaced.

The trees. I remember them.

She spun around and found an endless line of trees sprawling out before her. Dark purple leaves hung from drooping branches. The trunks were as obsidian and glistened in the sun’s dying light. Tendrils of fog creeped from behind the trees and weaved themselves around the branches, spilling over the leaves. Anything that laid beyond was shrouded by darkness that the sunlight dared not penetrate. The precipice she stood on jutted away from an enclosed, half-circle clearing at the edge of the treeline. Through the forest or off the cliff were the only ways out.

Someone is in there waiting for me, she thought, though she did not understand why she felt so sure of it. Someone needs me.

She took slow steps away from the cliffside, stopping when she reached the middle of the clearing. She could see almost nothing beyond the trees except some small floating lights, flickering in and out of existence. Ephemeral trails of yellow light lingered in their wake as they swirled and twisted around each other. As she stood there, mesmerized by them, a voice spoke in her mind.

I pray these words will guide you. The words were faint and the voice familiar. 

The snap of a splitting twig came from her left, breaking her trance. She turned and found a pair of gleaming green eyes peering through the fog. As if being born of the fog itself, a beast began to emerge. A snout appeared first, then a face covered in white fur formed around the eyes. Fangs slid out next, followed by pointed ears trimmed in black fur that ran down its neck and along its back. A single, massive paw stepped out of the fog, and soon enough, the full form of a wolf had materialized not more than a body’s length away from the woman. 

A chill coursed throughout her body. She didn’t move and took only long slow breaths. As much as she wanted to, she couldn’t bring herself to break eye contact with the animal. It sniffed the air, then closed the gap between them in two steps. The top of its head was level with her own. It tilted its head as it gazed into her eyes, and for a moment, she sensed a sadness greater than her own within it. She almost didn’t notice as understanding replaced her fear.

In the next moment, the wolf let out a long, somber howl. The deep notes filled the clearing and resounded within the woman’s mind as the ups and downs harmonized into a wistful rhythm. It became a song of sorrow and passion that enraptured her heart, and the melody overtook her senses. Familiar sounds and images — people laughing and cheering, others crying, water rushing, a child screaming — flashed before her. A note of finality rang out with a single whispered word beneath it.

Hope.

“Hope,” she whispered. “My name. I remember.”

No other memories came back to her with the name, but she was grateful nonetheless. The wolf gently pushed its snout against her cheek and licked at the tears streaming down it. She broke out in a smile. Though she couldn’t get her arms all the way around its neck, she hugged the wolf. It rested its head upon her shoulder as best it could.

“Thank you,” Hope said. Her voice cracked from disuse. “But… how?”

 A deep groaning rumbled from somewhere within the woods. The trees began to shake. The wolf pulled away and turned its head toward the forest. It howled again, but with a single continuous note, one much lower than before. As the howl rang out, the trees came alive. Their roots burst from the ground, and like long, twisted fingers, they clawed at the dirt before them, slowly pulling the trees forward. Wood snapped and splintered like bone as their branches lashed out in every direction. The obsidian bark loosened and became writhing flesh. They formed into two long lines on either side of Hope and the wolf. The threat of being crushed between them loomed as they dragged themselves along. The wind picked up speed and turned into a wailing blast within seconds. Leaves bunched and blew in all directions, purple streams riding on the currents.

“What do we do?” Hope could barely hear herself over the wind. Her hair whipped around her head, getting in her mouth and blocking her sight. She pulled it back and realized the wolf was still standing there howling as if it didn’t notice anything going on around them. 

The corridor of trees rapidly grew more narrow. Hope’s options flashed through her mind. Behind her sat the precipice and the ocean, which would likely leave her trapped. Before her, she could see only darkness and fog.

There has to be more.

She made up her mind.

“We have to go!” 

The wolf continued to howl.

“Come on,” Hope pleaded. She grabbed handfuls of the wolf’s fur and tugged, but it didn’t budge. “You’re going to die!”

The trees were a little more than an arm’s length away from them. She glanced back at the ocean. The sun had not moved from its seat on the horizon, nor had the sudden gale perturbed the peaceful waters. For a moment, she thought being trapped out there might not be so bad. The thought left as quickly as it came. She gave the wolf one last desperate tug. It still would not move.

“I’m sorry,” Hope said. 

Tears stung her eyes as she bolted into the forest. She looked back in time to see the farthest trees collide with a sickening crunch and devour the last ray of sun. The wolf met her eyes one last time before the trees closed in on it. It never stopped howling as its body melted back into the fog.

Hope knew she’d be caught in the maw of trees within moments. She ran as quickly as she could, but it wasn’t fast enough. Roots stretched onto the path, forcing her to jump over them. She looked down as branches whipped at her face and back. When she looked up again, her heart sank. The trees ahead began closing in as well, leaving her with no way out.

This can’t be happening, she thought. 

She gradually slowed down and closed her eyes.

Wake up, wake up, wake up!

Nothing had changed after she opened them again. The trees had only gotten closer and the rumbling only louder. She closed her eyes and shielded her face with her arms, bracing herself for the worst.

But nothing came. The rumbling ceased. 

The trees had stopped a few feet from her in every direction, leaving her enclosed. Miles of more trees and fog laid behind them. A lantern made of the tree itself protruded from an overhanging branch. Their flesh-like bark steadily tightened and loosened in time with pulsating veins coursing underneath. A viscous red substance dripped from thin branches waving around aimlessly in the air.

“What do you want?” she asked, knowing she shouldn’t expect a response from a tree.

A hole tore open in one of the trunks. A small, shiny object sat inside within.. Hope took a breath and reached inside, retrieving a golden locket attached to a delicate chain. Her heart leaped. She cleaned it off with the hem of her dress and examined it. It was heart-shaped and had the face of a wolf etched into the metal on one side and the letters “E&H” etched on the other. She pried it open and found a picture of a man inside. He had a crooked smile, hazel eyes, and black hair that flowed past his ears. He couldn’t have been older than thirty. She sighed and sat on the ground, her knees pulled to her chest.

“I’m supposed to know who this is, aren’t I?” Hope whispered. 

Silence was her only answer. She put the locket around her neck.

The canopy was too dense to see the sky, so she couldn’t be sure how much time passed. Finally, the trees began to move again, but slowly. The ones behind her pulled themselves together, and the ones in front moved apart to clear a path, so she walked along. Eventually, a violet light came into view. After she stepped past the last tree, they melded together to form a wall behind her.

“Where… am I?” The thought escaped her lips as she took in her new surroundings.

It appeared to be a clearing surrounded by the obsidian trees, but it was far different from any other part of the forest she had seen. Three large pools of water were spaced out ahead of her, though the entire area seemed to be marshland. Hope’s feet sank into the soft ground a little and made a wet squelch with every step. Willow-like trees drooped over the pools of water, their long, sweeping leaves skimming the surface. A few glowing bulbs sprouted from the branches and emitted the violet light that bathed the room. The sky still hid behind the dense canopy.

Hope’s mouth went dry. Seeing the water made her realize how thirsty she was. Her wet footsteps were the only sounds in the dead silence as she approached the nearest pool. Relieved to see the willow-like trees were mostly normal, she knelt down next to one and reached into the water with cupped hands. She felt nothing as her skin broke the surface, nor did the water so much as ripple. Her hands came up empty and dry when she lifted them. The same thing happened in her second and third attempts. Frustrated, she bent over the water and peered into it. Her reflection didn’t appear. In its place, a hazy shadow of a man formed in the water. She felt she should look away, but there was something alluring about the way it alone rippled in the still water. It felt alive, and she was so desperate for answers.

“Who are you?” Hope asked, a quiver in her voice.

The shadow shook its head, the movement almost imperceptible. 

“I don’t know where I am. I don’t know what’s going on.” The words poured from her. She took a breath to steady herself. “Can… can you help me?”

The figure extended its arm, and inky-black fingers slowly began to emerge from the water. It held out its hand for Hope to take.

What other choice do I have? she thought.

She swallowed hard, setting her throat on fire. Her shaking hand reached out, ready to take the shadow’s, but then another reflection formed on the surface of the water. As it took shape, she recognized it as the same man from the picture in the locket, though the green of his eyes did not shine near as bright.

I pray these words will guide you. The man’s mouth moved, but the familiar voice rang in her mind again. It spoke slowly and deliberately as if it were chanting.

Away from fate’s design, the voice continued in her head.

She stood up and looked around but couldn’t see anyone else. She looked back at the water. The man’s mouth was still moving.

I pray these words will find you, the voice said.

“Where are you?” Hope’s voice cracked on the last word. “How can I find you?”

The shadowy figure retracted its arm back into the water. Both reflections began to fade. Hope fell back down to the water’s edge.

“No! Come back,” she begged, her lip trembling.

It took only moments for them to disappear, leaving her alone once again. She choked back a sob and dabbed at her eyes.

“Before the light has died!” The voice of a child called out from behind her.

Hope screamed. Her body lurched forward, but she caught herself before falling into the pool. Her eyes darted around the room, stopping at the second pool. A small child sat at the edge of the water with his legs crossed. His tattered black pants and a white shirt looked to be soaked. Again and again, he put one hand into the water and tried to splash himself with it, but just like Hope’s pool, the water did not move.

Hope stood on shaky legs and steadied herself against the nearest tree before heading toward the boy. Something tingled in the back of her mind the closer she got to him. She stopped a few feet behind him and cleared her throat.

He didn’t turn around. “Can you hear me?” she asked.

“Oh, yes, I can hear you,” the boy said. “Just like I heard that other man. But he couldn’t hear me. I don’t think anyone can hear me.” His voice weakened with every word. The tingling grew stronger with the sound of his voice. 

He splashed at the water some more. Hope carefully inched closer to him until he could see her, too.

“I can hear you.” The words came out softer than she expected.

The boy stopped playing with the water and turned to look at her. Hope took in a sharp breath as recognition jolted her memory. Her hand grasped for the locket, her fingers fumbling with the clasp. Her eyes darted back and forth between the boy and the photo. They had the same green eyes, the same crooked smile and the same black hair tucked behind their ears. The boy, however, looked to be around six, seven at most.

My son. My husband. She ran her thumb over the letters etched on the locket. 

“Elijah,” she said, nearly choking on the name. “Is it really you?” She outstretched her arms for her son.

What happened to us?

“W-who’s there?” Elijah asked, his eyes wide, but not quite looking at her. “How do you know my name?” 

Hope’s arms went limp and slowly fell to her sides.

“It’s me, baby, your mother,” she said. “Hope.”

“I-I don’t see you.” He looked past her, or perhaps it was through her — she couldn’t tell. His hands waved around in front of him as if he was blind. “Momma? Where are you? I’m scared.”

She grabbed his hands and he shrieked, pulling away from her and falling backward.

“You’re so cold,” he said.

Hope looked down at her hands, then back to her son.

“Sweetie, everything’s all right.” She tried to control the rising panic in her voice. “It’s just me.”

“No, no, no, no,” Elijah repeated as he crawled backward, moving away from her. “Momma wouldn’t have left me!” He flipped over and started running at an impossible speed.

“Elijah, come back!” Hope took off after him, but the muddy earth pulled her down with every step. It was all she could do to trudge along as Elijah dashed over the mud like it was cement. “Please, wait!” Her voice cracked through her sobs. She tore at the mud, sending it flying in every direction.

Elijah made it to the farthest pool before she had taken more than ten steps. He stared fixedly into the water as an inky-black hand rose from beneath the surface and reached out for him. He moved to take it.

“Elijah, don’t!”

He froze and looked in Hope’s direction. His hand started to pull back, but he wasn’t fast enough. The inky hand took ahold of Elijah’s, and out of the water rose the rest of the shadowy being. Hooded and draped in white robes, it stood on the water and towered over the child. Thick, black water dripped from under its hood and over its body, staining the robes to match its arms. Elijah tried to pull away, but the black water spread from its hand and up the boy’s arm. The pool began to swirl.

Hope’s lungs burned, but she couldn’t stop. Elijah screamed as the inky water reached his shoulder and started spreading over his body. He fell to the ground and tried to crawl away, but it dragged him back.

The pool picked up speed and sucked in the liquid dripping off the being. The water slowly turned from blue to black and became a swirling vortex. 

 When Hope finally reached him, she grabbed Elijah’s other arm and pulled.

“Let him go!” she yelled at the being.

Its head snapped in her direction. 

“The boy is mine now.” Its thunderous voice boomed throughout the clearing and in her mind. The trees shook with every word.

She pulled harder. A warm, wet feeling spread over her arm as the black water wrapped around it. 

“His fate is sealed,” it boomed. 

Its voice combined with Elijah’s screaming threatened to blow out her eardrums. Her head pounded. She gritted her teeth together and fought through the pain, but it wasn’t enough. Images of rushing water, a violent storm, her son calling out for help — all flashed through her mind. She couldn’t keep her thoughts straight and she began to lose sense of where she was.

“You won’t take him from me!” She couldn’t hear her own words. Her arm started to burn, and her grip loosened bit by bit.

“It’s far too late for that,” the being said, almost sounding gentler than before.

The water became boiling against her skin, and she couldn’t take it any longer. Elijah slipped out of her grasp as she fell backward

“Help me!” Elijah clawed at the mud with his one free arm, but he wasn’t strong enough. The being dragged him into the pool.

Hope leaped and tried to grab his hand but came up short. The water instantly silenced Elijah’s screaming as his head went under. The being bowed its head and sank into the water. As it vanished from sight, the pool dried up.

Hope dragged herself forward and rolled into the pool. She sank her hands into the ground, digging for her son. Tears blinded her. There was nothing but more mud.

  She collapsed onto her side and pulled herself into a ball. Her body shook uncontrollably.

Why is this happening to me?

A drop of black water emerged from the ground and slowly grew into a fist-sized pool.

“Elijah?” Hope sat up and looked into the water. The shadowy being stared back. 

The water hit her in the face as it erupted like a geyser, and the pool quickly began to refill. Hope recovered and started crawling out of the pool, sliding back down the mud with every other step.

A howl exploded from behind as the trees nearest her splintered into a thousand pieces. The wolf burst through them and ran to Hope. It reached out its paw for her to take and helped pull her out just before the water touched her. 

The water filled at an alarming speed and began to overflow from every pool. It didn’t take long before half the room was covered. The wolf winced and backed up as the water touched its paw, steam rising from the contact. It whimpered and pointed its head toward the path it had made through the trees. 

Hope stared into the water.

“My son is in there.” She stepped forward in an attempt to run into the pool, but the wolf grabbed the back of her dress in its mouth and yanked her away. “Let me go!” She twisted and pulled and swung her arms, but couldn’t get free of the wolf’s iron grip. It dragged her back and into the path just as the water consumed the area they had been standing in.

She finally broke free and ran past the wolf, but stopped as she saw what had become of the room. The water covered everything. Violent waves rolled in every direction and would soon find its way down their only escape. Her head shot forward as the wolf pulled her back again and threw her behind itself. It nudged her down the path with her nose. 

“My son.” The words were barely a whisper.

The wolf whimpered and shook its head. She saw again a terrible sadness in its eyes. The water started flowing into the path, and the wolf inched forward. It nudged her harder this time. 

Hope turned and ran, trying to block out the howling that sounded too much like a scream.

#

When the outside finally came into view, Hope could see a grassy hill bathing in orange light. The scent of ocean air drifted toward her, and she took in a deep breath.

“I pray these words will guide you.” The same familiar voice came from ahead.

Her stomach fluttered.

“Away from fate’s design,” it continued.

As she stepped out of the forest, she knew something wasn’t right. She had found her way back to the clearing she started at. The sun hadn’t moved from its seat on the edge of the horizon. She could hear the waves lapping against the cliff face far below. The only difference was the trees around her looked natural.

“I pray these words will find you.”

Up the small slope at the base of the precipice, a man she knew to be her husband knelt in the grass.

“Before the light has died,” he finished.

Hope took slow steps toward him until she could see the wolf head tattoo on his arm. Her hand wrapped around the locket.

As she walked closer, she saw a small tombstone in front of her husband. She didn’t have to read it to know her own name was etched into it. Her eyes swelled, and she covered her mouth with her hand.

Her body walked forward against her will. She didn’t want to see it. She knew now she had chosen to forget, but she took another step all the same. And just as she knew it would be, a second tombstone bearing her son’s name stood next to her own. The same inscription was etched in each.

I pray these words will guide you

Away from fate’s design

I pray these words will find you

Before the light has died

She walked past it and stopped at the edge of the cliff, removing the locket from around her neck. It slipped between her fingers and landed softly in the grass. 

The sun dipped below the horizon, and the bridge of light receded back across the waters.

Maybe I can forget again.

Hope stepped over the edge.